this is something i wrote in april. it's not perfect and will probably be very revised someday but for now i'm just going to share it. today is the last day that i am 18. so maybe i am just choosing to let it go. it is currently 4:44. enjoy xx
a single berry, swollen // held under my tongue // tempting to burst. // the leaded beads // of a lemon, // droplets that have a will to cut. // the sky, holding it’s blinding white abyss above me. // One wish; a place where it will end. //
i wait, grinding my teeth on glass. darkness is pressing itself against against my window, sagacious and provocative. //
always will never be. always will never be. an incantation of sorts. // cats praying to the moon // dusty windows with lace curtains // life, a constant rebirth. // the sunlight wrapping me in a glazed, dreamlike state // a time for doing nothing; for letting the warm rays of sun sink into your skin. //
teasing the line between creation and destruction. to move forward you must leave something behind. // & yet the world is perpetually trapped by the promise // of a son.
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april devours, hence may’s cowers.
in this place, lullabies have teeth.
i am sick to my stomach with saccharinity.
shuddering, unwelcome, enclosed,
as if i am left vulnerable, defenseless, in a glass garden.
i dream of a delicate tickle,
for my breath to be sipped away;
the most naked intimacy, a thing i both long for and fear.
You, Unknown, who recognize my secret…
when can we lose ourselves?