[june media wrap-up]
books, film, and a bit of music
hello hello! happy july. where i am it still doesn’t feel like summer so i’m a bit thrown off, but i’m here. i suppose i need to embrace the coastal-irish-gothic-summer. anyways i’m a few days late but these are most of the pieces of media i consumed this month. i’ve been reading a lot of books but not finishing them. also, i have some other posts half-written in my drafts like summer book/film recs, summer to-do list, etc— would you guys be interested in that or is it too late at this point? lmk :-)
firstly, here is the playlist that i was mostly listening to last month, as well as in the few months before. normally i have a playlist for about every month but for some reason that was thrown off while i was in florence.
books:
beautiful world, where are you ~ sally rooney
slowly i am becoming more and more of a sally rooney fan. i think she does a brilliant job of exploring many of the struggles and experiences of younger people in this day in age, of what it means to be a person, of what it means to be in different types of relationships, and more. (as well as, the usual sally rooney classic theme which i’ll never get tired off: the exploration of the influence of capitalistic structures and society within relationships.) i’ve read normal people and conversations with friends, and i actually found this book to be her most well-written yet; the prose is beautifully constructed, and there are moments where the book places us as a reader in a certain position in relation to the characters, giving them distance or intimacy, or maybe a sort of capturing of empty space, and it’s really stunning; it reminds me a bit of virginia woolf actually, or maybe that one raymond carver short story about the friends at the dinner table and the way it ends, by pulling back and away. i can’t wait to read intermezzo.
“on the platform of a train station, late morning, early june: two women embracing after a separation of several months. behind them, a tall fair-haired man alighting from the train carrying two suitcases. the women unspeaking, their eyes closed tight, their arms wrapped around one another, for a second, two seconds, three. were they aware, in the intensity of their embrace, of something slightly ridiculous about this tableau, something slightly comical, as someone nearby sneezed violently into a crumpled tissue; as a dirty discarded plastic bottle scuttles along the platform under a breath of wind; as a mechanized billboard on the station wall rotated from an advertisement for hair products to an advertisement for car insurance; as life in its ordinariness and even vulgarity imposed itself everywhere all around them? or were they in this moment unaware— were they somehow invulnerable to, untouched by, vulgarity and ugliness, glancing for a moment into something deeper, something concealed beneath the surface of life, not unreality but a hidden reality: the presence at all times, in all paces, of a beautiful world?”
pond: stories ~ claire-louise bennett
i’d known about this author/novel and had meant to read it for a while, so when i came to ireland and quickly found it in a bookstore, i figured it was the perfect time. bennett has such a unique authorial voice! honestly i could see how this book and writing style might not be for everyone but it definitely is for me. it’s intimate and engaging, especially through the narrator’s interpretation of herself and of existence as a whole. it’s weird and funky— maybe in a slightly lispectorian way but a bit less mystical. it’s highly contemplative, and oh it is oh so clever. at times it’s more plain, involving domesticity with the irish countryside, but through the narrators mind, fascinatingly strange scenarios easily emerge within from surroundings, blending amongst memories and the imagination. basically, i’m obsessed with bennett’s mind and sort of want to befriend her.
“if we have lost the knack of living, i thought, it is a safe bet to presume we have forfeited the magic of dying.”
“…a letter attests to something that did not happen, that could not happen, it will not come to rest. it possesses you on and on and there is no final place for it. everybody knows deep down that life is as much about the things that do not happen as the things that do and that’s not something that ought to be glossed over or denied because without frustration there would hardly be any need to daydream. and daydreams return me to my original sense of things and i luxuriate in these fervid primary visions until i am entirely my unalloyed self again. so even though it sometimes feels as if one could just about die from disappointment i must concede that in fact in a rather perverse way it is precisely those things i do not get that are keeping me alive.”
voyage in the dark ~ jean rhys
this book feels like the sister to the bell jar. the main character, nineteen-year-old anna morgan, is simply trying to keep herself steady and afloat in life after moving to london from the west indies on a less-than-ideal dancing troupe job— but she can’t seem to get the right grasp on the societal “rules”. her friends urge her to build relationships with older, wealthier men, as all girls do, and at times she does, but there is always something deeply wrong, and anna leaves each situation more lost, bare, and farther from a consistent and comfortable life. the commitments of those around her seem to be increasingly feeble and wavering. soon she is struggling to just have a place to sleep at night. those that surround anna believe that she is in the wrong, and constantly trying to deceive them, but in reality she is only trying to survive in the socially-defined “correct” way. framed very close within the character’s mind, rhys forces the reader to examine the weaknesses within all of the societal structures that are held as such strong truths and essentials; womanhood, for example, as an impossible cycle resulting in both internal and physical shame; or additionally, heterosexuality as a broken system, and one that is deeply linked with the maintenance and aspirations of class; this is seen as we watch anna, despite rarely (or never) being attracted to men or enjoying sex, force herself to build relationships with men just to receive the bills that they quietly slipped into her handbag as they creep home after the nights. anna’s mental spiral is constructed in darkly beautiful subtlety through rhys’ prose. at times the words on the page drift without notice from anna’s current moments/experiences back to her questionable memories of childhood in the west indies, illustrating how deep and subliminal the presence/influence of memory and trauma is. the result of all this is a tragedy that leaves one stunned and curiously resonating with despite the older time period. i was so invested that i basically read it in a day. jean rhys is masterful with her words and i look forward to exploring her work more. (wide sargasso sea has been on my list to read for agessss… but i have to read jane eyre first and i have no idea when i am getting to that haha…)
“i am hopeless, resigned, utterly happy. is that me? i am bad, not good any longer, bad. that has no meaning, absolutely none. just words. but something about the darkness of the streets has meaning.”
“there was no sun, but the air was used-up and dead, dirty-warm, as if thousands of other people had breathed it before you.”
“(cold- cold as truth, cold as life. no, nothing can be as cold as life.)”
(finally, i’m also slowly making my way through the transit of venus by shirley hazzard, as well as poetry by yeats, poetry by c.p. cavafy, selected plays of marina carr, and the second volume of sontag’s diaries. hopefully i’ll have most of those finished for my july wrap up.)
films:
the last time i was consistently watching films was probably way back in january before i went to italy. in italy i was very busy and basically didn’t even have wifi at all at my apartment for those three months, so it was a struggle in itself to just watch the occasional film for my film class (i spent way too much time sitting in cafes and libraries watching those films in poor quality and buffing every three minutes because the wifi was never very good at any of those places either… i must stop writing about it now because i’m being brought back to that nightmare, those evenings just trying to get through a 90 minute pasolini or fellini film only to end up dropping the class because i couldn’t keep up… god…) anyways, i also don’t really have wifi in my room here in ireland… haha… but occasionally i will watch a film in the sitting room in the middle of the night. soooo basically what i’m saying i’m getting myself back on my film grind. here are most of the things i watched this month ;) also my little write ups from them are so unserious compared to how i was writing about the books i read because i’m a bit braindead at the moment but i hope you enjoy nonetheless!!
the mark of lilith (1986)
short film, exploring lesbianism, race, and vampirism… what more does one need?
challengers (2024)
it was a fun time and the soundtrack is banger but i didn’t ultimately take anything from it that made it a new all time favorite film or anything. also i just kind of wanted it to be more gay but whatever
lost highway (1997) (rewatch)
understood this so much more on a rewatch. i think? i definitely still have questions. also i was h*gh when watching the first half and it was simultaneously a terrifying and stunning experience.
vivre sa vie (1962) (rewatch)
if no one got me i know anna karina in vivre sa vie got me. we see each other. fuck you godard anna deserved so much more
girlfriends (1978)
kind of like ghost world but instead of y2k la, its late 70s nyc. this is such a special film. watch if u like frances ha
sex, lies, and videotape (1989)
ohhh i fucked with this so heavily. james spader kinky characters cinematic universe is so important to me. like you know when a film is just oozing into you? and you’re just watching it like. Yes. directors don’t make movies exploring the “philosophy” of sex like they used to.
fingered (1986)
i will always love a richard kern flick. you killed me first might still be more of a fav but wow this one was definitely more intense than some other kern films i’ve seen (or maybe it isn’t but it’s just been quite a while since i’ve watched one). in other thoughts, do i want lydia lunch or do i want to be lydia lunch??
smithereens (1982) (rewatch)
i love 80’s nyc films that are kinda punky and just involve a character wandering around not knowing wtf to do with their life. i’m gay but omg richard hell in this is out of this world.
the velvet underground (2021)
todd haynes is like one of the most brilliant filmmakers currently and of all time and whenever i watch one of his films it’s just reconfirmed for me. like he just does it again and again and again. he has such a wide range of interests and there are no other directors that utilize such diverse inspirations and come out with something Perfect every single time. basically, this guy knows how to Make A Movie. i really loved the usages of other artists and pieces of media that surrounded and were connected with and influenced the velvet underground (geeked out at the kenneth anger and jonas mekas moments). also, after watching this i did nothing but listen to the velvet underground and wear my black turtleneck for two days.
cabaret (1972)
i knew as i was watching this that a part of my soul was becoming deeply connected with it. it made me feel similar to how i felt when i first watched my all-time favorite film, celine and julie go boating. the history of this story/musical/film are all so fascinating. the story itself of caberet and the things it does is genius. i was a theatre kid for 12 years and even almost did chicago once so you know i fucked with this. and it was so steamy and grimy and grainy in that way that 70’s movies are and it was just perfect. literally this hasn’t left my mind since watching. Caberet (1972) is simply That Bitch.
alice in the cities (1974)
cute, very sweet and special. not my fav wenders tho
the pillar of fire (1899)
joan of arc (1900)
need to watch every joan of arc film adaption ever made. still need to tackle the rivette ones as well as the bresson one.
after hours (1985)
unfortunately a lot of scorsese films kind of annoy me, i think i just appreciate film styles that feel a bit more subtle and the beauty is what emerges from the subtlety? but, although this one gave me a bit of anxiety, it has that 80’s nyc vibe that i love and also i’m in love with rosanna arquette so i was surprised to find myself loving it.
pink flamingos (1972)
i was also h*gh when watching this and it made a very intense movie 100x more intense! somehow i had never seen it despite it being at the top of my watchlist for probably five years. but, ugh, yes, fine, it was brilliant in it’s blasphemy. when john waters dies the world will probably end.
pippin (1981) (musical)
well, after watching cabaret i was craving some more fosse in my veins. and what can i say? pippin is so iconic. pippin in that fucking chain tank top is So iconic. i always listened to the soundtrack for this in high school so i was excited to revisit it. so many musicals exist and are so underrated!!
okay that is it for now! i truly just want to just end this post and get it out of my drafts and into the world because i feel like it took me forever to get done. please let us have lots of conversations in the comments about all of these things, if you’ve consumed any of these pieces of media or want to, or if you have a recommendation for me, or if you simply want to share some media you consumed this month :-)
you NEED to watch the bitter tears of petra von kant