it is in the emotion that we first learn of the explosion.
an irredeemable loss. an entrapment. to live is to feel is to be trapped. what are emotions if not the representation of the instinctual nature of life, yes yes, and that is beautiful— but— Oh— soon one finds themself within the catch: the complication: if every reaction is instinctual then where is control? is it a myth? where does power— will— lie? and so (and maybe because i know it is the only way) i want to (need to) submit myself to what is beyond myself but (honestly) I Am So Scared so scared i pull my bedsheets very very close at night and i hold my breath; so scared i enfold my jacket to myself very very tight in the crisp winter day so bright and yes jacket so tight i am held so tight against and within myself and it is the strongest intimacy or the deepest desperation or both. and i try to forget but i can’t i just can’t forget that at my core i am nothing but vulnerable eternally vulnerable too vulnerable for my own good almost hollow almost the property of everyone and everything but myself. and i know what i want and i know what i need but i wonder if i will just never achieve it or even worse never attempt it and oh how weak how pitiful and yet i almost cannot blame myself… must one be guilty for that most human thing?
this is so beautiful. so true and honest. so vulnerable and important. ur an artist love, never stop what ur doing. and thank you for making so many people, especially me, feel seen and heard through ur art and soul. you're amazing
You are so talented!