3/25/26 // 21:24

last week i went for a bike ride along the trail past the high school. i realized that i couldn’t remember the last time i took that trail, let alone on a bike. i think i used to bike it and walk it all the time; in the evenings, mainly, when i was still a teenager, when my dad still lived at home with us, when things were so much more difficult and i had so much more to be escaping from, when i was trying so hard to just imagine for myself the taste of independence. when i would take this path, there would be at the first crossing of the trail and the road a small dark cat wandering around to slyly take record of those who passed through. then, the passing of the second crossing of trail and road would be marked by taking, leaving, looking, or touching, a book in the small roadside library. when i went last week, there was no cat, and i oddly felt no inclination to even have a glimpse at the book selection. at the third crossing of trail and road, i would turn right onto the road, moving down the street beside the small children’s school, and after maybe 50 yards i would jump down into that field of dry grasses and swing on the old wooden swing sets hanging in the tree. and i would feel like a child again, and i would feel free, and i would feel private, and i would watch the sunset, and i would read while the mosquitoes picked at me, and when i could manage it i would smoke a cigarette. a few years after i’d first found the spot they put a fence up. last week when i biked by i didn’t take the road down to the swings. i biked by at least four signs warning that the school was PRIVATE PROPERTY even when outside of school hours or during the off season. i get it, i guess, but it makes me sad and frustrated. i hope the swings are still there but if they are i wonder if they even get used anymore at all. i would like to use them. i would like to swing. as i was biking i thought about how my dad has spoken of his childhood, how he would get on bikes with his friends and just go places, go everywhere— you could fucking go wherever you wanted. did there used to be so many private property signs? i feel like every day, three more private property signs get nailed into the ground, and my world slowly shrinks smaller and smaller.